Monthly Archives October 2020


Funny how things work out for the best sometimes despite a host of unintended negative consequences that can, and do, often spew out from an oversight, accident or mistake in judgment – rather like how water in a pressurized pipe will spray from an open orifice whether release is intended or not.   Irrigating landscaping as intended is no problem but a “oh, look at the beautiful Sun created rainbows shifting in the swaying wind pushed sprinkler spray” of wasted irrigation water (which has obviously passed its maximum beneficial use) and is trickling down an embankment, then downhill in a roadway ditch for no other purpose than waste – certainly that is something to be avoided and stopped at all costs in a drought prone area like Lake Don Pedro.    Don’t you think?     

THANK YOU to the two LDPCSD employees driving by my residence in the white LDPCSD district pickup on  Monday, October 19th 2020 @ 1419hrs who because of their initial action in stopping their southbound journey on Villarreal Drive, then slowly backing all the way up (northbound in southbound lane) to the next intersection (apparently following the trickling wasted water), and then very slowly again resuming their downhill path (apparently following the trickling creek) – alerted me to the continuing expensive accidental loss.  


This incident will likely be the worst accidental water loss I’ve experienced in the last 30 years but it is totally my fault and I accept RESPONSIBILITY without qualification, but that is not the issue I am addressing with this post.  I would like viewers to understand my concern about this incident in terms other than a simple accidental and wasted loss of irrigation water that will only cost me a few extra dollars and a few sleepless nights as I attempt to explain the situation and my concern.

It’s actually more about what has been happening across this entire country in regards to legitimate public services corrupted with the special interest motivations of the Socialist Left and their “cancel culture” enforcement which corrupts far more than our local Lake Don Pedro Community Services District – which itself was apparently specifically designed and formed as a special interest water benefit operation expertly concealed for decades from the thousands of subdivision property owners who were saddled with the increasing extra expenses for a GROUNDWATER SUBSTITUTION SCAM for LAFCO ANNEXATIONS into the district for perpetuity.  Public service (for some employees) has become an active playground for political discrimination, failure to perform assigned duties, and orchestrating “paybacks” against those who stand in opposition to such mediocre performance only to maintain secured employment.  That’s what this is about, not just a couple of hundred dollars in wasted water.  That’s the easy part to solve and accept.


 Yes, thirty years of landscaping and working this property.  Thirty years of Vole damage to water lines and vegetation growth, drought, Bark Beetles, installing/maintaining/replacing Sch 40 PVC, fittings, hose bibs (somewhere around 20-25 locations – saves a fortune in rubber watering hoses),  automatic sprinkler valves, drip irrigation hose, emitters, timers, transformers, wires, batteries, blah blah blah –  and all of that effort, equipment, time and expense intended to reduce water consumption, utilize it to the maximum benefit for the trees and bushes, and of course make irrigation of such extensive landscaping a little bit easier for an aging loud mouth WHO FAILED TO TURN A F*&^ing BLEED SCREW OFF AGAIN!  But I digress.  lol


The sad reality is all that effort can be lost (well, for a period of time at least as in  a F*&^ing billing cycle …ahh, excuse me) …… due to a moment of neglect/distraction/irresponsibility call it what you wish – all the previous savings can be lost.   NOTE: this is all on me, my fault no question about it,  (Already said that huh?  Lol  Perhaps I should say I “Didn’t properly screw myself?”  Didn’t close bleed screw on the valve???? …lol?)  So with that said again – (RESPONSIBILITY IS ALL MINE AND I ACCEPT IT WITHOUT QUALIFICATION) please allow me to explain why I am even bothering with posting the story. 

Sure it is ANOTHER LESSON about bleeder screws that will cost me some extra money for water this month (fortunately much of it flowed by trees and bushes on its way off my residential property to the unimproved lot.  That’s the waste that bothers me, (unimproved lot) but what the heck, once this post is done I figure I can start hauling some of that moist sand/dirt back uphill for some other projects I wasn’t ready for yet, but maybe this was meant to be….get’s me off my decaying ass and back to work outdoors (within reason of course with the dental pain – hurts more when I bend over and such) because the wet material will compact much easier.  Heck, I paid for that wet earth I should use it to my best advantage right?


As viewers may be aware, my normal routine of physical activity around here has been reduced a bit due to 1) some down time caring for my dog after her surgery for a Foxtail abscess on her side, and 2) a very painful molar of mine which is pending a root canal – both atypical monthly expenses but necessary.   (Never thought I would one day actually be counting down the days and looking forward to a root canal, however, pain is a powerful and effective motivator for all sorts of stuff.  Strange, a root canal is generally considered something painful to be avoided yet in reality it is far less painful (and dangerous) than allowing a bad tooth to get worse which only expands the potential for other negative outcomes.   I never had a tooth that was so painful with the pain going away almost as suddenly as it started.  After the third return surprise attack of blinding pain I was off to the dentist.  Good decision, though perhaps a bit late but it was too soon after Liz’s surgery so I waited a bit.

Speaking of which, according to the Vet the situation with Liz is down to a simple but persistent case of a “hot spot”.   The surgery and removal of that Lemon sized abscess was a complete success but some more E-collar time is necessary.  Still think it a bit humorous, an E-Collar for a dog named Liz?  Lol  (The “E” in “E Collar” stands for Elizabethan due to the similarity with women’s fashions long ago which sported those big ruffled collars around the neck – but many pet owners are more familiar with the slang term “the cone of shame”.  Basically a pliable sheet of plastic that fits around the animal’s neck and rolled into a cone by twisting then locking in to place with turning lock tabs – which prevents the animal from licking the wound.) 

Unfortunately, despite the use of anti itch “hot spot spray” and such, Liz discovered the wound was in the perfect location for using the E-collar rim as a tool to rub and scratch the area which is probably worse than licking, so sedation and covering of the area with bandages also plays a part in the recovery.   She’s fooled me before, with the “new skin area” looking great I WILL MAKE THE MISTAKE OF THINKING HER INTEREST IN THE AREA IS OVER and give her a break from the collar (like to eat or drink) but at the first unsupervised opportunity she sneaks off and the licking starts again.   How do you know when the animal will leave it alone?   Wear the collar until all the hair and fur grows back?  Anyway, she’s doing great and I’m waiting for the needed root canal – both of which have interfered with our normal routine.  Just like everyone else – we deal with things the best we can on a priority basis.


Sunday afternoon we were doing some light chores outside (yes she was wearing her satellite dish) some pruning and hedge trimming, raking, picking up and loading the cart for the eventual transport to the burn pile downhill.   Inspected the CA Golden Poppy project along Villarreal Drive (had observed some deer out there eating earlier) which generally (so far) has been a failure with more weeds than poppies, but some of those “weeds” might be growth from a wild flower mix.  I had turned the water off to that line days earlier believing it had received too much in the past but decided to give it a quick watering by turning the bled screw on the automatic valve so the sprinklers would activate – I was right there trimming and raking.   (Should have walked around to the front and activated the line from the timer station instead, but noooooo – I was right there so I used the bleed screw on the auto valve.)   Anyway, Liz started chasing after something while wearing her “cone of shame”.  Have you ever watched an animal with that cone on try to navigate?   So she’s running and that cone is snagging on rocks, plants, trees branches everything in her path which obviously slowed her down considerably which was good because SHE WASN’T LISTENING!  I’m hollering at her to stop – don’t know what the hell she’s chasing……OH PLEASE!  NOT ANOTHER SKUNK!  Not that again!  Regardless she sure would be at an extreme disadvantage if tangling with anything while that cone was on. 

 If you’ve ever had an animal wearing one of these things you know they bump and walk into anything and everything due to the obstructed view.  (Of course any sedation will make things worse too.)  Their hearing is understandably affected as well.  Think about it, noises in front will be amplified a bit due to the conical shape and focusing of the sound waves to the ears shrouded inside the cone, yet noises to the rear and side will be blocked by the plastic cone which surrounds the head and ears.  (I was initially concerned she had started to completely ignore verbal commands until I realized what was going on.)   

Their antics can be a bit humorous as well.  The other evening Liz was walking through the great room in route to the deck but looked and sounded more like a “bull in a China shop” because that cone acted as a plastic table dozer ….lol   as she walked by the chess table the extending plastic cone in front snagged the phone & charger, scooped them up with some other items and pushed everything off to the wood floor.   CRASH!  The noise of that startled her into a quick unplanned turn to look back at what just happened, but then the cone hit the guitar in the floor stand which I caught just before it crashed down.  (I had put the tripods/recorders up but forgot the guitar….besides it was out of the way until the noise prompted the quick turn.)   OK, a little rearranging of stuff for safe “cone passage” through the great room.   No problem.  lol.

Anyway, the trimming, raking and cart loading started to make the dental pain worse so I figured it a good time to stop the work and continue it the next day.  Ate, read the LDPCSD monthly agenda packet, watched the news, a few recorded Gunsmoke episodes, blah blah blah.   Liz’s wound looked good and so I continued with the “anti-itch” medication until turning in for the night.  YES!  Cone must be left on at all times – or a little sneaky licking will quietly occur during “down time”.

In the morning after other routine activities I went over the agenda packet again and decided to post my frustration with how the replacement water report is always barely legible in the agenda packet.  (IS THIS WILD OR WHAT?  I’M POUNDING OUT FRUSTRATIONS ON THE KEYBOARD ABOUT THE LOST WATER REPORT IN THE AGENDA PACKET WHILE LOSING WATER!)  Difficult to read the blurry print – was that a 13% 16% or 18% water loss? (or something different?)  Finishing the post I eventually planted myself in the recliner to watch Matt Dillon clean up Dodge City Kansas.   So I’m stuffing my face and Liz brokers another treat with a look that says “what have I done to deserve “the cone of shame?”.  (She also receives frequent head and facial massages due to “the cone”.)  Having my fill of Dodge for a while it was time to let the hens out and return to trimming bushes in the front of the house and loading the cart for the burn pile later in the fall.   Then another break and some more Dodge City with Matt, Kitty, Doc and the gang.

So I’m watching TV with the glass slider open to the deck (other than the smoke some beautiful weather lately yeah?) and I hear a vehicle making a stop in the southbound lane of Villarreal Drive down past my house.  A fairly steep slow sweeping curve downhill.   I’m still sitting in the recliner but can see over the deck that a white pickup has stopped dead in the road.   Very unusual for that particular location.  


So I’m asking myself, what’s in the roadway?  Dog, turkeys, passing rattlesnake, what?   I can’t see any animal from my recliner view which is good because that portion of the road has been a kill zone for a number of animals in the last 30 years that I know of, at least four deer, a number of raccoons, possums, dogs, cats, turkeys, snakes, birds, etc.   Usually you can hear the “thud” and skidding of vehicle tires with the larger animals, but sometimes just the “thud” when the driver continues on their journey without checking to see what they hit.  Sometimes the next day you can follow a blood trail to where the animal wandered off in shock to expire.  Asked for a Deer sign years ago but apparently the request was denied. 

So I’m wondering what was in the road to make the truck stop when it starts slowly backing up (northbound in the southbound lane – {lanes are separated by double yellow lines on a curve} in a “blind portion of the roadway”!   In other words, the hump in the roadway above restricts visual appreciation of further oncoming downhill traffic in that same lane that would be headed towards the CSD truck.  This rise in elevation apparently also “disrupts” the sound of approaching southbound traffic so animals in the “kill zone” hear something, look up, and WHAM!   Contact with a vehicle speeding downhill where the driver couldn’t see the animal until over the “hump” in the road – often when it’s too late. I know this area quite well from weed eating the west shoulder of the roadway every year from the intersection down to the next telephone pole past the curve. 

OK then, if not stopped because of an animal in the road they must have missed my neighbor’s driveway across the street and decided to just back up to it rather than make a safer “turn around” at the next intersection.   Seemed the most logical explanation so I stood up from the recliner and took a couple of steps towards the slider for a better look at the road to confirm my suspicion but the truck remained in the southbound lane and continued to slowly back up northbound in the southbound lane towards the my intersection corner.   GOOD GRIEF!  – if a vehicle was southbound at the same time it could have been a very ugly accident because even if impact was avoided either way off the road would likely end up being a vehicle rollover due to the steep terrain on both sides – it’s happened before.   (Downhill trips are usually faster than the uphill climb as well.)


(Episode where an old family feud required a relative to shoot off Festus’ ear lobe for “pay back”)

Even Liz took an interest in the truck because typically the only vehicles that do stop are off the roadway on the shoulder – not still in the lane of travel and then slowly backing up to a swell blind spot in that same lane.  What the heck is going on? 


CCTV (Closed Circuit Television) property monitoring can be quite beneficial in many ways.  Take this particular case.  If not for a video recording of this incident I would have had absolutely no idea what was going on with that white truck other than:  

1) Observed a white pickup stop in a dangerous area of the roadway,

2) watched it slowly back up for unknown reason, and

3) a short time later saw same truck continuing downhill in the same direction out of the neighborhood.    End of story.

But with a video documented record of factual events further research into the missing elements of the story proved to be rather interesting and distressing at the same time because I now knew: 

1) Whatever these CSD employees initially observed when first passing by the location was important enough to temporarily, but immediately, discontinue their original journey by stopping in the middle of the southbound lane below, and then slowly – but dangerously, backing up the roadway northbound to the next intersection above,

 2) It was a LDPCSD truck with an affixed yellow caution light (never saw it activated and doubt it was because I’ve seen them in use before in daylight conditions and they are pretty bright.)  This of course might be an issue in any possible future civil action against the district for property damage, injuries, or death resulting from the negligent operation of a district vehicle in violation of California Vehicle Code Sections……blah blah blah, you know what I mean?   

What are rotating/flashing yellow caution lights designed and installed to be used for?

Why would employees NOT want to draw attention to such activities?

3) The CSD truck slowly backed up northbound in the southbound lane in a very dangerous blind spot (due to a swell in the road above) apparently tracing the path of the flowing water in the roadway west drainage ditch.  If not focused on the obvious flowing water, what else could they have been doing?   Tracking turtle migration in a new spontaneous foothill creek?  lol

4) the CSD vehicle stopped at the intersection near my property

5) two yellow-green reflective clad employees were in the truck and communicating with each other

6) the passenger gestured towards either my house or the elevated corner of the intersection,

7) after the gesture towards my property the pickup renewed the southbound travel downhill very slowly (apparently still following the trickling water in the ditch on the passenger’s side – or turtles – lol)

8) the CSD vehicle then continued out of the area in the southbound lane

9) the entire incident took 1 minute and 33 seconds, from the initial drive by, the first stop downhill, the backing up, second stop at my intersection, then continuing their journey passing the original stop location and leaving the area.


The CCTV information only increased my curiosity so I go outside and walk over towards the corner and look through the privacy material on the chain link fence gate….. the F^*&ing SPRINKLERS HAVE BEEN ON SINCE THE NIGHT BEFORE WHEN I OPENED THE BLED SCREW THEN CHASED AFTER LIZ!

YES INDEED if not for my CCTV and those two employees initially stopping and confirming there was excessive water loss occurring, it could have continued for a much longer period of time than it did as the work outside increased the dental pain.  

Yup, a BIG THANK YOU for the two CSD employee’s initial investigative actions on Monday afternoon to CONFIRM AN OBVIOUS and SUBSTANTIAL WASTE OF IRRIGATION WATER WAS OCCURING by suddenly stopping a district work truck in the middle of the roadway on a double yellow curved blind spot and then slowly backing up all the way to the next intersection to observe the source of the flow and discuss it before resuming their downhill journey.   Imagine, all of that fine in-field “water loss investigative work” while simultaneously subjecting the district to extreme liability loss for any potential accident that might have occurred with such extremely negligent operation of a district vehicle.  Had that school bus come downhill a little later that day there could have been substantial damage, injury and/or death.   

But for what? 

Should legitimate attempts at water conservation be practiced by employees of a water district?

One might think so.

(Especially a district in a drought prone foothill area with a 40 year history of unethical and contradictory special interest policies that continue to harm the far majority of bill paying legal customers of the water entitled subdivision to this day.)

What prompted that sudden and dangerous stop in the middle of the road?


Did those employees take an extra 30 seconds to a minute to advise, notify, warn the property owner of the obvious continuing waste of water trickling down the ditch?


Pull into the driveway and honk the horn of that CSD truck?


Place a telephone call to the owner from the office to notify of the water loss?


Why not?

Why bother to confirm the waste if there WAS NOT ONE SINGLE ATTEMPT TO STOP OR MITIGATE THE LOSS?

Just another example of the unethical laugh & giggles they receive in permitting an expensive loss to continue for a customer due to his outspoken condemnation of the corruption and lack of sincere service of employees, managers, and directors?

ie, “That’ll teach him to bad mouth our special interest/benefit district corruption!”  ha ha ha – all the way downhill and out of the area!

These are the same type of people destroying our country right now because they will go out of their way to instigate trouble where none exists yet when presented with the perfect opportunity to prevent or stop something wrong and perhaps actually impress upon the public their sincere service and dedication they show their true color and refuse to take simple appropriate corrective action. 

Well, think I’ll try to harvest and beneficially use some of my wet soil.

My best to you and yours, Lew

Categories: Uncategorized.

LDPCSD Monthly Meeting



Sorry, but page six of the agenda packet (the second PDF file above) is almost a waste of effort as it is very difficult to read. Always has been. Imagine that, one of the most important pieces of information most customers would want to know….. how much water are we paying for that is lost? Has been for decades…..difficult to read.

The old OUTSIDE MERCED IRRIGATION DISTRICT PLACE OF USE REPORT used for 16 years (until Pete Kampa was summoned back to the LDPCSD in 2014 to finish the LAFCO PROPERTY ANNEXATION and land development work he set up 20 years earlier when employed here) was perfectly legible and contained far more relevant information which customers could use in forming legitimate questions for the Board of Directors. Gosh, it’s almost like the BOD doesn’t want customer involvement with their own local public agency. lol

Two fold problem regarding this water loss you know. 1) Lost raw water (water that has not been treated and ready for distribution to customers – like from between Lake McClure and the treatment plant), and 2) treated water loss – the more expensive final product ready for your tap that is stored in tanks and piped to your property. Both of these loss percentages have been very high for many years and suspiciously manipulated and outright concealed from the public as well.

Why? (1) Because it is extremely bad news for those who pay the bills (the MR WECS {Merced River Water Entitled Customers} of the water license approved subdivision) …. and, (2) certainly not a big selling point when the district would like to charge all customers $150 a month service charge before a drop of water is used with a Proposition 218 rate and fee increase.

So losses are concealed, manipulated and down played for more important work – how to squeeze more money out of the already victimized MR WECS for the needed repairs and replacements?

Notice all the ground water well failures and expenses?

So even now, with this new “Water Distribution System” report …..

(which is designed to intentionally misrepresent the “FULL PICTURE OF RELEVANT INFORMATION” customers were previously furnished before “PETE KAMPA AND HIS YES NODDING, DO NOTHING BOARD OF DEFECTORS” reconfigured our surface water treatment plant into a GROUNDWATER SUBSTITUTION FACILITY for LAFCO PROPERTY ANNEXATIONS into the LDPCSD that could not legally receive Merced River water due to water license restrictions. Water restrictions that were known and in effect long before these annexations were approved by the same LAFCOs that formed the LDPCSD. Imagine, a LAFCO 1987 detailed report on SOI (Sphere of Influence – essentially where district might serve water in the future) yet NOT ONE WORD about pertinent water license restrictions on WHERE MERCED RIVER WATER COULD ACTUALLY BE FURNISHED? Peculiar and convenient wouldn’t you say?)

……..that one page out of 96 pages of the agenda packet is the by far most illegible. What a co-incidence yeah?

Yes, even if the printing were crystal clear-

(in this pathetic excuse for an adequate replacement for the traditional OUTSIDE MID POU REPORT – which good ‘ol Peter Kampa {a CSDA, California Special Districts Association long time Board director as well} and his treacherous board of defectors removed from the monthly agenda packet – — ah oh, did I already mention that? lol) –

the news is still bad.

Loss rates always have been bad since the FORMATION OF THIS FRAUD OF A CALIFORNIA SPECIAL DISTRICT! Rem? SPECIAL DISTRICT characteristics: 1) Limited service, 2) special group of people, 3) defined service area, and 4) service provided for only the costs necessary in furnishing customers.

Why decades of lost water, community turmoil, and substantially increased costs?

All circles around the LDPCSD SUBSIDIZED GROUNDWATER SUBSTITUTION PROGRAM which was created to provide a special benefit blended water service to LAFCO PROPERTY ANNEXATIONS (and other properties such as that of commercial cattle rancher and LDPCSD Board Director Emery Ross) that were added into the original CALIFORNIA SPECIAL DISTRICT (LDPCSD) [approved by the CPUC – California Public Utilities Commission] which was formed by the very same LAFCOs wanting to develop other rural drought prone areas within two foothill counties with MR WECS of the Lake Don Pedro residential subdivision to surreptitiously pay for it and increasing costs for perpetuity! What a scam!

Just like Kampa said….. the LDPCSD would continually add more properties and subdivisions to the district and just drill more $1/2 million+ groundwater wells in a drought prone, ground well unreliable area – and the thousands of legal water using customers of the subdivision could pay for the whole shebang! Don’t like it? Move.

Absolutely devious.

My best to you and yours, Lew

PS: Still don’t know why the LDPCSD refuses to furnish the 1993 MERCED IRRIGATION DISTRICT shape file map PETER KAMPA and HIS BOARD OF DEFECTORS wrongfully used for five years in their pursuit of this subsidized groundwater substitution program for OUTSIDE POU PROPERTIES Kampa set up 20 years ago through LAFCOs before resigning the first time when he was caught acting outside the Board of Directors knowledge and direction. It’s a done deal. Why continue to conceal this crucial piece of evidence?

I’m starting to wonder if it actually ever existed or did Kampa/KOMPANY manufacture the map himself (when the LDPCSD still had the GIS map generating capability) and then simply attributed/identified it as a Merced Irrigation District map? Kind of like how Mariposa County LAFCO uses LDPCSD maps like their own. These incorrect/fabricated maps were passed back and forth so many times and to so many different entities through the years most don’t know the true boundaries – even in government!

Look how Kampa, his board, cohorts in state government, and others, were attempting to replace the authentic 1978 MIDPOU map on file with the State Water Board with Kampa’s fabricated digitized map that greatly expanded those POU boundaries. Kampa said the state required a digitized map so the LDPCSD BOD gave Kampa tens of thousands of dollars to fabricate an incorrect digitized map as evidence of MID’s expanding POU boundaries in 1993. Outrageous!

How can customers possibly vote on anything to do with this district when living in an area where public information is consistently withheld from the public without explanation?

Oh yeah, all Mariposa County LAFCO ANNEXATION records are still unavailable through the county website also. Strange huh?

Too bad such concealment couldn’t be due to some State or Federal Grand Jury investigation of this “nightmare of public service” from the perspective of an organized criminal conspiracy spanning decades violating State and Federal Law while simultaneously defrauding and financially victimizing thousands of innocent property owners in the LDP subdivision who just also happen to be mandatory customers of the LDPCSD.

The LDPCSD (a California Special District) was apparently created by LAFCOs, for LAFCOs, utilizing thousands of mandatory customers of the subdivision to perpetually fund the scam. Where’s the accountability?

Categories: Uncategorized.


See what I mean? So many files. So many names. Anyway, after the upload to Youtube I checked what I posted on and YUP……wrong video. The intro is talking about the scrolling spelling errors that were not even in the video I posted. wonderful. lol So here’s the other one (actually there might even be one with newer revisions but I’ve had it with this stuff for a while) (Yeah, sure you have had enough too! lol)

Categories: Uncategorized.

Anyone out there ever LOOK FORWARD to a root canal? I sure do. Well, this LAME was a nightmare (but always fun) – ran out of disk space again and while transferring to external drive confused file names again. (Didn’t I already make that correction? – Then would later find the other file after other revisions.) Then an issue between videos – when finally done realized the scrolling was too fast – but too difficult to go back and redo, so I tried masking the offending parts and laying something else down over the top. Semi successful. Problems there too. Oh, and spelling errors? Clintions? Materialising?) Again, in that scroll format too difficult to go back so……mistakes. So what? Plenty of more serious things to be worried about than spelling errors right now.

Like……just can’t believe ANYONE would support Biden after what he’s done using his power and authority as US VP to enrich his family, friends and accomplices with the Communist Chinese (not to mention the Ukrainians with Burisma). But then again, he and Obama did sell our country’s economy to the global market – why should they care? Did Biden believe he was just setting himself and cohorts up for lucrative positions with the “new management partners” for OUR AMERICA – for which he, Clinton, and Obama had clearly paved the way? Who knows? But as far as I am concerned, Joe Biden and all his co-conspirator ilk are stone cold crooks and traitors to this country – but of course you can VOTE TRUMP/PENCE for COMMON SENSE – or whatever reason(s) you possess! lol My best to you and yours, Lew

Categories: Uncategorized.


1) “Birds of a feather flock together?” 2) “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?” 3) “Killing two birds with one stone?” 4) “Bye bye Birdie?” 5) “Old time feathers belong on old time birds?” 6) “A modern “feather duster” is most often made of synthetic materials only designed and manufactured to resemble authentic bird feathers whose actual possession and use in specific products may or may not be illegal in some jurisdictions.” Am I getting warm or cold?

Ever hear the one about the guy arrested by a Fish and Wild Life Officer for killing and consuming an American Bald Eagle, which of course is illegal, and whose case was going to be heard by a staunch Wild Life Supporting Superior Court Judge who traditionally handed down extremely harsh sentences in cases involving this Federally Protected National Bird of Prey?

Well, the defendant explained to the Judge that he was from the city and unfamiliar with the realities of outdoor life and his car had broken down in the forested mountains where he ultimately became lost trying to hike back out. He had been in the woods for days without any food and only minimal water he drank from small creek ponds. Very hungry and on the verge of collapse he observed a large eagle fly to and perch in the fork of a tall Pine tree branch. The Eagle had a large Salmon in it’s talons which it had apparently scooped up from some nearby water source and had just begun to tear at it for nourishment. It was then when the idea first occurred to him of stealing the fish from the bird. If he could throw a rock high enough into the tree to frighten the Eagle, it might drop the fish so the man could eat, survive, and eventually make his way out of the forest. The judge listened intently to the man’s story and was initially very suspicious and told the man so, but continued to listen to the detailed story. The man continued by saying when he threw the rock (only to scare the Eagle and force it to drop the fish) the rock unfortunately hit the bird right smack in the head knocking it to the ground and killing it, while the actual prize he was after (the Salmon) became stuck too high in the tree branch to be obtained and consumed. Since the Salmon was stuck up in the tree and too difficult to obtain and the Eagle was already on the ground and dead, the man decided to eat what he could of the Eagle for survival sustenance in hopes of eventually finding his way out of the forest. He explained he had just finished plucking most of the feathers off the bird and had started to chew at the legs and some breast meat when the Fish and WIld Life Officer suddenly entered the clearing where the man was observed hunched over the remains of the protected Eagle. While placing the man under arrest the officer explained the Judge who would ultimately hear the case was an environmentalist who dealt quite harshly with those violating protective species statutes and the man should be very careful in presenting any offered defense. During court, and after the defendant had finished presenting his defense, the judge called a recess for lunch stating he would render a decision after consideration of all the facts after the break. After lunch the defendant sat nervously waiting for the judge’s decision. The judge confirmed he loved nature and would have thrown the book at the man for such a despicable act as eating the protected National Bird, but considering the “city slickers” emergency situation of being without food for days, along with the fact the eagle had been accidentally killed in the failed attempt to obtain the Salmon for food, the Judge dismissed the charges and released the man without further delay. The man thanked the Judge for his understanding and compassion in the matter and happily proceeded to leave the court when the Judge asked the man, out of his own burning curiosity, “what in the world does an American Bald Eagle taste like anyway?” The man, while rounding the corner of the courtroom doors on his way out, smiled and said, “Hard to say your Honor, kind of a cross between a Spotted Owl and California Condor.”

But I digress.

Categories: Uncategorized.