I would like to take this opportunity to once again apologize for my occasional frustrated outbursts or attempted humor with the use of what most of us would consider “bad or foul language”. I know, I know, I am an aging adult and not violating any state/federal law concerning this free speech issue but that doesn’t change the fact I was raised by my Mom and Dad to not do such things. Jeez, guess that early training must have really “taken” because here I am decades later whining to unknown folks on the internet about twinges of guilt and remorse for venturing beyond a childhood rearing approved vocabulary list. Lol
And no, in a preemptive response to the suggestion that my brother and I were “beaten” or otherwise “excessively punished” for misbehavior, I must say just to keep the record straight, the far majority of our guidance, training and education had been successfully programmed with more loving methods of correction. (Although I do recall a few occasions when “a good talking to” was insufficient and physical correction was utilized.)
I guess there is no sense in belaboring the subject (using bad language every once in a while on this site) because I am determined to use whatever techniques are available in furtherance of enlightening fellow “legally entitled MERCED RIVER WATER USERS” in the sincere hope of correcting the illogical (and I believe illegal) special interest course on which KAMPA KOMPANY and the BOARD OF DIRECTORS has set for the future of our Community Services District.
[Can you not “feel” the subdued and pressured emotion between the lines of that excessively long rambling explanatory sentence?]
A few weeks ago I was digging through approximately 20 banker’s boxes of records I have collected through the years (that “Packrat Syndrome again – which may not be a bad idea considering the LDPCSD’s penchant for misplacing, loosing and destroying business records) and accidentally knocked over a loose stack of papers creating yet another paper avalanche sprawled on the floor. While picking up the papers I decided to clear off some shelf space to make room for this ever expanding collection of documents when I stumbled across one of the numerous books I inherited from my parents.
I was ready to toss it in another direction and out of the way when a small piece of aged yellow folded paper caught my eye between the pages near the book binding. What the heck is this – a bookmarked alert of important information lying between those particular pages of a Reader’s Digest book? I picked up and opened the book and scanned the two open pages but did not observe any earth shattering information which would have necessitated a bookmark.
Alas! Actually another “emotional time bomb” (that’s what I call them) which are little mementos that trigger pleasant memories and thoughts of years past and “explode within my heart and mind”.
Like a miracle medicine for disease of the spirit, the traditional course of treatment after “detonation” involves a sudden impromptu and strong emotional release followed by retrospective thought, relaxation, thankfulness, and peace. Yes I am referring to a real “tear jerker”. lol
This is difficult to adequately express because it has so much to do with concepts of time, coincidence, luck, probability, human nature, politics, deeply held beliefs, exposure to and acceptance of particular religious teachings, “once burned, twice shy” defense mechanisms, etc. You know, basically living our lives with and through the infinite blessings and afflictions inherent in just “being” on this plane of existence? The divergent ways in which we as humans interpret life, learn from experience and develop methods of navigation through or around the naturally occurring and man-made obstacles that prevent or hinder our achieving happiness and/or peace.
I actually work at trying to see the “bright side” of things when possible and am indeed quite optimistic about much yet like everyone else have felt victimized by the wrongful acts of others at times. Now I am getting older with the advantage of sixty years of past experience behind me, I look back with chagrin and realize others may very well feel I had victimized them while struggling with and through my own maze of life choices of doing what I thought to be right. I guess in some respects we are all just victims of other victims.
“And Forgive us Our Trespasses, as we Forgive those who Trespass against Us”
BREAKING NEWS ALERT! LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS FAIR!
A “life lesson” that irrevocably changed my course involved being subjected to abuse of public trust and authority. Once something like that happens to some people the pain is so deep, severe and unrelenting they begin to question everything. How they were raised, how they previously viewed and interpreted their environment and what is “right and wrong” because up until that point their traditional methods of living had been relatively successful. Was my basic understanding of how things were supposed to work flawed or incorrect? Was I taught and trained wrong? Has it ALWAYS been like this and I just didn’t know? Did I miss a REALITY 101 course somewhere? Why don’t schools, colleges and universities require classes that teach greed and corruption are the ruling forces and everything else is just “busy work” to keep the masses controlled and unaware? Is there really any such thing as justice?
Ever see the movie “BACK TO SCHOOL” with Rodney Dangerfield? There is a very funny part where Dangerfield (a very successful older businessman returning to school to assist his son) explains to the Economics Professor how reality differs from what is taught regarding how building a successful business is actually achieved.
Richard Pryor once commented that he had like many others had gone to court looking for justice but all he found was “just us”.
A traumatic experience makes it difficult for some to not actively prepare for a potential re-occurrence of whatever triggered the pain – which obviously may or may not ever happen again. Fool me once, shame on you – fool me twice, shame on me. Of course being over-prepared or constantly concerned or fearful about a similar re-occurrence is not healthy either – probably something in between would be the most appropriate and sensible course. (Prepare or quit? Getting back on the horse that threw you vs never riding a horse again.)
You know, this is getting way too long and drawn out. I proof-read but add a little here. Proof-read again, add a little more there……proof read…..
…… suffice it to say I am a bit hyper-sensitive concerning issues involving abuse of public power and authority to achieve personal advantage and/or profit.
SO WE GET OLDER
Then, at the end of this “life equation” made up of experience, interpretation and adaptation comes the arrival of an ultimate solution to the natural accumulation of pain and suffering. [There is of course a corresponding accumulation of love, peace and joy.] It seems sometimes as though, as one life is released (from pain and suffering) and others are introduced and exposed to the finality of that process, the pain and suffering is somehow transformed into something else and transferred to those left behind. The most common and recognizable forms being sadness, grief and remorse. [But once again, there are corresponding positive forms such as happiness, celebration and acceptance.]
There I go – getting way out there again, let’s corral this puppy and get it over with, huh?
How we deal with loss is important and extremely influential in how we deal with what lies ahead. Like many of you out there I have in the recent past experienced the end of life journeys of others who were important in my life and frankly, I am still wrestling a bit with some of the residual emotions of what “life lessons” were actually learned. Complicated issue this life and death stuff.
Recognizing life lessons, and how some were so lovingly introduced and taught, will occasionally “jump up” at unexpected times catching me off guard and ill prepared for the resulting spike in thankful emotional response. This immediate response is short lived, cathartic and always appreciated as another one of the many blessings in what is my life.
My best to you and yours this Easter Sunday, Lew