Numb.

After all the screaming, cussing, swearing, and yes, even crying, this blender like cycling of emotions inevitably leaves me exhausted, cold (temperature wise) and emotionally numb. Not angry. Not necessarily sad or depressed just numb and going through the ashes of an emotional fire, that once again, temporarily ravished my life. Ahhhhh, and that’s key…. T E M P O R A R I L Y.

Way too many people fail to see this during crisis and make the long term decision of suicide for a short term temporary situation – and that’s another terrifying aspect of this, expecting even more pain to follow rather than relief because of the cycle. During the triggering crisis or trauma, when something might suggest relief…. they fail to see that the “light at the end of the tunnel” IS THEIR ESCAPE FROM THE DARKNESS AND INTO THE LIGHT and is rapidly approaching but have been so negatively conditioned to expect the worst, believe the light at the end of the tunnel is only another approaching train hauling pain and discomfort – so they stop that (with what they feel at the time is their only option for escape) with suicide.

SOUNDS GOOD

Have never been much of a bath person, prefer a hot shower, but lately have taken more hot baths than I have in the last few years. I can understand the medicinal benefits, (relaxing sore muscles, tendons, ligaments, etc.) but is there an emotional – psychological component also?

Enveloped in a comfortable, secure and soothing clear fluid environment with the body’s core temperature constantly maintained. Wonder if it touches some deep and UN-rememorible experience of our first temporary home…… being in the womb prior to birth?

FOUND THEM! Between the bed blanket and sheet and I CAN SEE CLEARLY AGAIN!

Lol reminds me of that song remember….? Johnny Nash? That up lifting thought of all negative things clearing away?

I can see clearly now the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It’s gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

It’s gonna be a bright (bright)

Bright (bright) sunshiny day

Maybe make this a door chime? lol

Better yet one of those “pull to activate” FIRE ALARMS but instead of a blaring fire alarm the sound system would blast “I can see clearly now” by Johnny Nash. lol

Guess I need to purchase a copy since it might be a positive break (and potential brake) to this unpleasant emotional roller coaster. I know from experience there will be an eventual end to the outrage, anger, depression, angst and unhappiness, etc. but unfortunately, will be triggered again by something I deeply believe is a clear wrong against me personally by the government. What good is our Constitution, Bill Of Rights and Rule of Law if “THE RULERS DON’T OBEY THE VERY LAW THEY ENFORCE ON CITIZENS?”

Heck, this song could be an enjoyable “WELCOME BACK” tune to accompany, maybe even facilitate, that anticipated healing process?

Yeah, a pulled fire alarm that plays Johnny Nash, I like it.

Please realize, if it were true that I was as dangerous an individual as these unscrupulous bully liars have said out loud for others to hear and whisper in this community for decades, (most of them democrats anyway) well, let’s just say they wouldn’t be here to continue such slander, libel and just plain ugly behavior, because I would have eliminated those sources of my righteous anger and pain long ago.

But I am not, so they are permitted to continue doing the same crap over and over – no doubt to many others as well.

BUT now, illegally searching my home (while away attempting to salvage what I have left of my life as a senior citizen) with their weapons drawn under the guise they were only breaking into my home to check on my well being? Thanks, but please don’t bother yourselves with such activity again, unless you wait until you can’t see through the window glass because of the flies!

Perhaps later, going back to the womb room for a soak! lol

My best to you and yours, Lew