TRYING TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE
While sifting through old files looking for a particular piece of information, I run across all sorts of things that either elicit good memories or bad memories. Like everyone no doubt when rummaging around boxes filled with the past. Unfortunately due to “semi recent events” I am essentially being compelled to intentionally research, locate and organize the stored situational examples (old images/videos, transcripts; blogs; LAMEs; complaints, instances and evidence of harassment; etc., which as a reasonable prudent person might recognize, are likely to produce “bad memories”. Unfortunately these old bad memories are inexorably related to the most recent “incident” (producing more “bad memories” that I will again have to attempt to forget with time, distance and avoiding “triggers” by ignorant insensitive people who only want to control others.
Every frigg’n minute I am painfully reminded of what “the powers that be” are doing right now ….. working with attorneys and consultants trying to justify in any way possible (including attacking AN INNOCENT PERSON THEY MADE A VICTIM IN THE FIRST PLACE) because of a totally unprofessional, suspicious, and pitiful example of the Community Care Doctrine permitting law enforcement officers to enter a “constitutionally protected space” for the purpose of a “wellness check and search” to make certain and injured or incapacitated person didn’t need some sort of assistance. No doubt such an exception as rescued and saved many lives that otherwise would have likely been lost. No problem with the intent of the doctrine, but like always, only takes a few to mess it up for everyone else. This “side step to the 4th Amendment” Right to Privacy required that law enforcement had reasonable cause to believe there was an emergency (exigent circumstances) to justify forcible entry into someone’s home without a warrant or invitation..
Fine and dandy, but this situation does not (in my opinion based on my own experience and recent research on “wellness checks” in police training manuals, handbooks and videos) support a reasonable argument, much less conclusion, that any exigent circumstances existed. But even more important and to the point, had a proper preliminary investigation occurred prior to the forcible entry and subsequent setting off of the intrusion alarm in my home, none of this would have occurred.
So again, what were the deputies thinking after receiving what information? What were those deputies told, and by whom, to make them believe (or pretend to believe?) there was an emergency in my home? Or that I, we, were even home that day? Come on now…… what happened to situational awareness? Trailer and truck (when home) are always clearly visible through the chain link fence.
CRAP! I’LL TRY AGAIN….
So, all this digging around looking for “bad memories” from YEARS OF PAST HARASSMENT fits right in with this most recent experience, except this time it was far more dangerous for everyone involved; motivated by extreme hatred (political TDS my guess), but has once again, intentionally and severely disrupted my life. All because of little cowards making false, malicious requests for law enforcement services.
Sure, we all have bad memories about different subjects and for a variety of reasons. Times you wouldn’t mind forgetting all together if you actually could . Sometimes very long periods may pass before that painful memory (and resulting array of attached emotions and behaviors) springs out like some crouched wild hungry animal in the brush, patiently waiting for just the right day, moment, nano-second to spring into action pouncing on its prey. Crap. We are the prey.
I had a “professional” once explain a cycle like definition of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Like assorted packages stuffed in a hallway closet, with each “traumatic experience” represented as a package. Packages of course varied in size, bulkiness and weight according to the “severity of the trauma”, maybe a golf bag? Or a small, but very heavy bag of pennies. Anyway, when “bad things happen” we eventually wrap them up the best we can and shove them in that closet. But the process is haphazard for expediency and getting on with life and we perhaps don’t give the process sufficient time to do the healing work? Whatever. Naturally the closet is filling up. Especially that top shelf that is so crammed with packages and differing items jammed in there, the door is sometimes difficult to close.
Then one day something happens, big shock? Expected shock? Surprise shock? Big traumatic event? Small one? May not even matter what that triggering last package was because when you open that hallway closet door to shove and push another emotional package in there….. you know…..everything comes tumbling out in an emotional avalanche.
“DID YOU HEAR THAT? THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE BUSHES….”
Yeah some traumatic painful things are never really gone so we live with them the best we can, distract ourselves with more pleasurable activities and thoughts and sincerely attempt to avoid those situations where a reasonable exposure to “triggers” are foreseeable and likely to occur. Oh crap! That means life in general!
We live with those bad memories, obviously aware of the damaging effects in the past of obsessing about the WHYs – especially when those charged with protecting us from intentional violation of law, are actually the ones executing the harassment and creating the pain, whether knowingly or unintentionally they were participants the the injury is the same. Then to top off an already stressful and anxiety producing situation, the victim of the whole mess is to be attacked and discredited? So the real purpose of any investigation (after the cops step into it and can’t hide or scrape it all off their boots) is to “defending the county fund” by saying I was somehow responsible for their failures? (tracking dog crap all over the clean floors of my rights to privacy?” Getting foggy again. At least those “jolts” can help wake one sometimes.
Attacking me again wouldn’t even be necessary if there was a semblance of respect or concern for the victims they create. NEVER CALLED ME ADMITTING THE SHERIFF’S OFFICE HAD SET OFF MY ALARM WHILE ENTERING TO CHECK ON MY WELLNESS? Wrongful behavior, deception and cover up. All unnecessary if honesty were practiced to build integrity.
JUST LIKE THE PACK RAT INFESTED DESERT TUG?
So when you think about it, it’s just like that desert 36sq cabin on a utility trailer being over-run with rodents and their nasty, stinky habits, (normal and natural some might argue) that horrid odor is not ever really gone, you just become “nose blind” to the stench. But get away from it for a while working outside and you might think that stink just magically disappeared and you were finally free of that vile and nasty odor. Until you walk back towards the cabin (or the wind shifts – which it does all the time!) and are shockingly repelled by the smell before ever stepping inside.
Are you following this?
When I was on the desert working extremely long hard grueling hours, I was happy again, because I knew what had to be done to make progress on the ultimate goal. Even realized that at my age I may not be able to reach that destination of building another place where I could feel safe so I should focus on enjoying the journey to the destination, not necessarily achieving that destination goal. Just be happy with the prospect of having a place to go and enjoy the work and be happy! Whether actually able to complete the plan or not, I’ve been trying to enjoy the journey and was happy.
But upon returning home and pulling into my driveway….(you know what’s coming right?)
coming “home” to Lake Don Pedro, well, it reminded me of walking right back into that cabin and taking a deep nasal inhale of the stench that slaps me in the face! I was away from it for a while and happy, but I came back to what I thought was a home.
SEE? CAN”T GET AWAY FROM IT
So I found a lot of material that I quickly produced to preserve the concept as a “place holder” where I might return in the future and recycle it in another project – usually because the general idea just cracked me up. Yeah some possible future use, because as already established somewhere in the above pages of repetitious blah blah blah frustration and angst:
“Hello I’m Lew no doubt a Pack Rat too”.
“Hello to you too I’m Pack Rat Lew” ?
“Hello to you! I’m Pack Rat Lew”
whatever….
OK, need to break this obsessive thinking about what is known at this point about a highly suspicious and possibly intentional violation of my 4th Amendment Rights to privacy (among other potential violations of existing law), blah blah blah (still trying) so….. the “recent event”.
NEEDED ONE ANYWAY AND IT WAS FUN
I purchased a sewing machine for stitching large sections of shade cloth together to provide shade for that southern redwood deck that gets blistering hot in the summer. Hand sewing was getting to be too much on the old digits so I researched and found a machine widely used in high schools – in their Home Economics courses. What better recommendation yeah? It was a blast (except for thread bobbin tangles and broken needles etc) sewing patches on jeans and shirts, bolstering areas that appeared too worn and would tear soon; and just playing around learning the machine.
Thus the birth of: SENIOR SEWING CITIZEN
CONTINUED ATTEMPT AT OBSESSION DIVERSION
Yeah, I know, rather boring video but, you know, the older I get the more appreciative I am for taking the time to record these “glimpses” of a past life. Who knows, maybe if I make it that far in longevity and become some drooling husk in a wheelchair or home hospital bed; parked in front of a television set or computer monitor, well, at least I would be watching and listening to a familiar person that I trusted and could relate. Perhaps (hopefully) even having some audible and recognizable strings of sporadic laughter that could be occasionally cajoled out of my twisted, wrinkled face and sagging drooling mouth? Wonder if I’d even continue to know and realize who that guy was on the TV and why he was encouraging me?
(NOTE to self, start work on an end of life video production for viewing when/if incapacitated, in wheelchair, and can’t graze and dance with the Antelope anymore. lol)
KEEP BUSY WITH “SOMETHING ELSE PLAN”
I wanted to add some video to the below advertisement for my “Covid Lock Down PONCHO PROJECT”, because I actually used that DIY Poncho (assembled from old towels, T-shirts and other cotton linen material) on this last trip to the desert. A beautiful late afternoon but that traditional body chill (lower spine to base of neck – often with a quick involuntary “shudder or shake” reaction) was quickly approaching due to the vanishing warm sunlight blocked by a 2,000′ rocky range rising to the west. I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I get that “spontaneous quivering body shake” I’m not going to get warmer without doing something to prevent it from getting worse! duh
OF COURSE THAT “CHILL” INTERRUPTS and
often disrupts an enjoyable time just observing the changing desert landscape as a gigantic shadow, complete with the elevated peaks and ridges and lower canyons and gullies, (their shadows) slowly creeping to the east and across the valley in route to another towering range as it cools the land below. Yeah, that late afternoon chill encourages a “sit down” by the wood stove for a bit or some immediate additional clothing. lol
I knew what was coming and that “chill” was going to disrupt the current activity of watching the Antelope as music pumped out of the speakers. That silly Covid Poncho had been hanging in the trailer for a long time, so, why not? Rather than stop the enjoyable activity of watching the Antelope – throw on your COVID TOWEL PONCHO for a little extra warmth!
SO FAR SO GOOD
They were accepting me thus far and I didn’t want to ruin it by drastically changing my appearance and frightening them. They had already accepted my presence, or at least were tolerating it with such ease they continued to slowly graze – getting closer and closer.
So I’m wearing my “COVID PONCHO” and repeating that same slow bending over position and performing my “fake grazing techniques” with arms dangling down as front legs, and slowly moving, meandering about with own practiced grazing routine while my wild animal friends occasionally lifted heads to confirm their safety – from that strange animal that had now drastically changed appearance with a long flowing split “robe with ties on the sides” sporting an old Grateful Dead T-shirt sewn to the front – yes, was quite different from the prior outfit of a pair of open toe sandals and brightly colored boxer shorts! lol
DANCES WITH ANTELOPE
The performance ultimately turned into a slow moving dance to the song Corazon Espinado….by Carlos Santana, Supernatural. [Have another blah blah blah, related to how this music (the above particular song), could touch me with a presentation regarding emotional pain which I could “feel”, despite not understanding the lyrics (not bilingual) and actually thinking the music was somewhat more uplifting and not depressing like a traditional “sad song” might sound. Later out of curiosity looked up the song title and explanation: A Broken (Pierced) Heart!
KNOW ITS THERE BUT
So I’ve been looking through GBs of material trying to locate those few minutes of a COVID PONCHO ANTELOPE DANCE (yeah, I know “Dances with Antelope” should be my private tribal name. I’m going to quit for now.
So for the below audio you’ll just have to imagine various images and video of an old fart in a DIY COVID LOCK DOWN TOWEL PONCHO slowing dancing in front of a herd of Antelope. Ahhh, miss them already.
NOTE: BELOW THIS AUDIO FILE IS A “YOUTUBE LYRIC VIDEO” (scrolling lyrics easier to understand)
I’ll find that video (Poncho and Antelope) somewhere…dances with Antelope? geeezzz
WHOA! Found the video lyrics just a little while ago — a different file extension prevented me from locating it earlier for this post. No biggie really, but some of the lyrics are difficult to hear on the audio. My files are a mess but slowly getting better organized. lol
<below> Here’s a revision that was posted on this site (I have forgotten how much blah blah blah and video already posted! No wonder I’m always having storage difficulties.)
Over four years ago? My how time flies when your country was being destroyed from within by those who obviously do not believe in the US Constitution, Bill or Rights or existing statutory law.
The following was an attempt to help illustrate….. oh heck, you’ll see …
Can you recall the tune that goes with the above lyrical lol?
My best to you and yours, Lew