Told the nice lady at the parts department, “I will find that 16mm bolt before the replacement one arrives”.

Yup. I kept going over the fact pattern in my head…. with constant interruption by the others. Where did I place it after removing it from the engine? In the oil drain basin. Are you sure? Absolutely. Could the bolt have dropped through basin oil drainage holes? Are you kidding me? It was a 16mm bolt! Big ‘ol booger! No frigg’n way it could fall through those small drain holes. Was the oil draining container moved after placing the bolt there? Yes, but only a slight distance for maneuverability under the vehicle as I was on my back looking up underneath. Did you thoroughly check under and around the oil container and vehicle? Of course. Even checked the wheel wells, inside rims, brakes, everything! OK, calm down. When did the container leave the immediate area under the vehicle? When, after confirming the bolt was not there, I took it to an area out of the way behind the ATV. It was almost full of old oil and I didn’t want to trip on it going back and forth for tools and such. Did you double check that path just in case you missed seeing it in the container and it subsequently fell out in transport to the rear of the vehicle? Yes. Many times. Shirt pockets? Pants? Yes, yes, yes…. I also dumped all tool chests present and checked all sockets just in case the bolt had become stuck in a socket. Pulled nearby weeds, raked the entire area, even used an extended pickup magnet. Nothing. Double checked all paths taken away from the work site just in case I had it in hand and was distracted to something else, a long shot possibility, but I backtracked all paths taken, up the hill, around the house, into the house, …. nothing. Bathroom? Of course, that’s a frequent cargo drop. Nothing.

I woke this morning to those same questions and slight variations over and over again, like an internal inquisition that would not let up. The self ridicule, but worse yet, the self doubt and questioning. What did I do? How could you be so stupid? The moment the issue materialized in our brain that there was a possibility – even if slight – of losing a part or small tool, you should have moved the vehicle before starting the work. Why do the rest of us bother to suggest things to you if you’re just going to ignore us? I don’t ignore you. Did you move the ATV? No. You’re an idiot! I didn’t lose it. You’re a jackass and shouldn’t even have any tools. Hey, Hey! Lighten up. We were all there, we know what happened and the circumstances. No need for name calling you unsympathetic dickhead. (lol from entire chorus)

Still it didn’t make sense. If I didn’t move/lose it, what did? Could Liz in a playful mood have picked it up and dropped it somewhere? Doubtful, never did it before with tools or small parts. Maybe like in some strange movie? Could some renegade super intelligent Vole or ground squirrel have been waiting for the perfect opportunity to get back at the humans? Make them think they’re going crazy so they just finally pack up and leave? Or maybe some animal had just taken an interest in a shinny object and quickly snagged the bolt and scurried down some hole in the ground? Smelling of differential fluid? I seriously doubt it. Did one of those big Black Birds swoop down and think it a nice little trinket for the nest treasure chest? Get your head out of your ass, no animal stole your bolt. You are a dimwit for even bringing that up. Just spitballing.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THAT FRIGG’N BOLT? It didn’t walk away.

Lew, I’m sorry, but you are in denial. Due to your own inattention, distraction, whatever, you did not responsibly care for parts removed from that vehicle. You had drain pans, towels, all sorts of things with which to properly place parts while working. Sorry, you fucked up. OK Ok OK, I must have screwed up somehow. But how? Is this what I am to expect until the end? You know, getting older? Ice cream in the fridge? Milk in the freezer? Fan control to change TV channels? Looking for glasses on top of my head? Dog in the dryer? Clothes in the dishwasher? WHAT’S NEXT? I’M LOSING IT! Then there will be more serious stuff like this frigg’n mystery that I can’t figure out – so the rest of you start doubting our combined competency and start pointing fingers at one another? Are we actually losing it but completely unaware? I vote he’s losing it and the rest of us are OK. <all hysterically lol>

On the toilet, in the shower, getting Liz her eye drops and biscuits. Let the hens out (did one of them eat it? A 16mm bolt asshole? A chicken isn’t going to eat a bolt that size. What a dumb ass. They’ve eaten smaller ones – I dropped a wingnut from 25 feet up in the air, when it hit the ground and before I could get to it, a hen ran over and gobbled it up. So? It wasn’t a fucking 16mm bolt jerk wad.

I didn’t even want breakfast – I just wanted to resume the search from the previous night. I had to try again this morning. So went through the whole search again. Yes, looked again under and around the ATV. (Even used a flashlight the night before hoping a glimmer of clean metal might shine enough to differentiate it from any surrounding grime around the engine. Nope). Oh, well. A new plug is on the way. No reason to worry or even think about it, just wait for the replacement and perform some other chores. Weed eating? Spraying? Still need to stack firewood. Do something else until the new part arrives. Simple.

NO! This CAN NOT BE LEFT AS IS. I must find that bolt. This is a mystery and it must be solved. Period.

Hey shithead, want to round up all suspicious voles and big birds and interrogate them as potential thieves? <all laugh and snicker> Fuck off! All of you! I know that bolt was in the used oil basin. I know it was. I saw it next to the other plug, OK, OK,…slow down take a deep breath. Forget them, they’re just fooling around. What’s the clearance between the oil basin and the skid plate under the ATV? Not much. OK, What if, just what if, when you pushed that container out of the way, the bolt somehow got stuck under the ATV? Does it have a magnet on it like the other drain plug? Maybe it’s just stuck on the engine somewhere by the magnet? No. No magnet. I did think of that, but nope, not under the ride. I looked under the ATV many times. OK, but what if, what about some actual contact and friction between the bolt the ATV undercarriage? I already looked under the ATV. OK, here’s an idea, look again, but this time focus your attention on any openings in the skid plate large enough for that 16mm bolt to be pushed through. Look underneath the plate for an opening, any opening, a cut out, drainage opening, anything. OK, but I don’t think it will do any good, already looked a number of times.

SON OF A BITCH!

Apparently when I pushed the basin out of the way to the rear of the ATV, there was just enough room for the bolt to be pushed though a drainage opening cut into the skid plate further back. So when I slowly pushed the oil container back the bolt must have been forced up through that hole and up on top of the skid plate – and wedged just out of sight until I wiggled underneath a little bit further and saw one small part of a clean thread in a dark oil covered area.

THERE YOU ARE YOU LITTLE (*%&^#%$!

Well, this lesson was under $50 at least – and I’ll have a backup 16mm bolt for the next oil servicing…. just in case. lol

Funny how things like this, really insignificant in the scheme of life, can never-the-less be so annoying and bothersome when they just don’t make sense – at first blush. Of course the same observation applies to very serious situations as well. Fortunately I didn’t declare an official war on all Voles and Big Birds and begin waterboarding them for information on the theft of my 16mm bolt in a ridiculous distraction from my own inability to recognize and explain a curious situation I created all by myself. Why does that sound so familiar? Later!

My best to you and yours, Lew