So the obvious question would be: why should an annual audit report meeting be any different than any other LAKE DON PEDRO CSD meeting? Just wouldn’t be the same without an incorrect set of important financial documents floating about the place.
Just like a raffle, the “Evil Twin” must be present and accessible to WIN, because you never know which set of documents you might need.
But why different sets of documents? (Some correct, others suspiciously incorrect.) You’re sweet, let me esplane Lucy…
Haven’t you heard the expression “a second set of books”? I believe this is a reference to when some sort of financial scam or illegal activity must “cover their money tracks” and falsify records for the inevitable scrutiny by government authorities. Naturally they should be neat, be very organized and look absolutely authentic with no obvious clues to their true nature and ultimate purpose. [A second set of books should never scream “Hey dumb ass! I am an illegitimate document trying to pull the wool over your eyes, I’m right here but I bet you next months receivables you can’t find me! HA! Not even close…
over by the half million…..no….closer…..closer-
check out this unrestricted assessment ohhhh, baby I can see your interest…wanna see mine?
Nope, but a bit closer….
passed me you twit!
No,……. to the right. Further. A little further. STOP! Back just a little….there! Right next to the fancy WHEREAS in the wrinkled resolution – YES! That’s it!
Oh catch me baby, catch me—make me say I’m fraudulent….
that I’m a lying little document that needs to be filed hard…..harder you dimwitted depreciation!….that’s it…….I’m a dirty little fixed asset and you know it, huh sparky?
…..ohhhhh, come on you lying little post retirement benefit obligation ….got to find me first if you’re going to give me your deferred outflow of resources……..make it hurt like a real audit! ….oh sweetie, …..whisper how you’d like to shred me into the little pieces of a financial puzzle you know I really am……oh yes…..that’s it shred me…..shred meee.”]
Yup, the whole point of having a second set of books is to make them appear otherwise normal- “no numbers to look at here folks…move along…..”.
The second set are “private books” which depict the actual financial status, ie, how much jack has been scratched from racketeering; gambling; prostitution; water hook-up fees, service charges, etc. I believe this is most often done to avoid taxes but sometimes to demonstrate compliance with some financial regulatory authority, like the Internal Revenue Service or a spouse. Laundering money doesn’t necessarily mean running bills through the Whirlpool and hanging them on the clothes line. [Although I personally prefer the traditional crisp “just ironed look” on all hundreds, sometimes $50 and $20s, but rarely $1.00s, just hang dry, fluff and neatly fold.]
CRAP! DID YOU HEAR THAT? SOUNDS LIKE SPRING OUTSIDE DOESN’T IT? HEAR THE WEEDS GROWING? I CAN. They’re talking about us you know…..jealous of our keyboard/monitor relationship I suspicion. You know how those Thistles can be, stubborn fracking ….
WE INTERRUPT this regularly scheduled blah blah blah for a special news bulletin
please direct your limited attention to the INTERNAL CONTROL MESSAGE THAT FOLLOWS.....
(Sleep deprivation 101) Note to self: Get some sleep. DO NOT write and post when exhausted. self: why not?
(Sleep deprivation 101) High probability of poor public presentation on website. self: so says you.
(Sleep deprivation 101) REPEAT: High probability of poor public presentation on website self: REPEAT: so says you. There's an element of humor too you know
(Sleep deprivation 101) Laughing at you (us) is not the same as laughing with you (us).
self: don't care. you (we) can go screw your (our) self. laughter is good medicine however achieved
(Sleep deprivation 101) Please finish current post and log off ASAP self: kiss my assets, do you read? over (Sleep deprivation 101) Not funny, please don't do this now we need sleep self: take a chill pill and relax - my (our) site I'll (we'll) do what I (we) want
(Sleep deprivation 101) Speaking of pills, have you taken your "ugly pill" today? self: there you go - ruin the surprise - go frack your (our) self
(Sleep deprivation 101) Asked and answered. self: Here's an idea, why don't you invent a suppository "pretty pill" that looks like your head so when you self medicate your head will feel right at home? (Sleep deprivation 101) You mean our head. self: No, not this time string bean
(Sleep deprivation 101) Come on let's get some sleep self: Did I tell you about my new invention? (Sleep deprivation 101) Enlighten me. self: It's called the "KAMPA LAMPA LLC" (Lunacy Light Corporation) (Sleep deprivation 101) OK, how does this "KAMPA LAMPA LLC" work? self: It's simple, whenever you need to SHED SOME LIGHT ON SOMETHING, for a project around your residence, garage or property, you just plug it in and "FLIP" that hidden "SNEAKY PETE" patented "WITNESS SWITCH" on the side like this - and PRESTO! now things are really working!
(Sleep deprivation 101) OK. I saw as you FLIPPED THE WITNESS SWITCH, but nothing happened. Absolutely nothing self: Ahhh, but that's the beauty of the "KAMPA LAMPA LLC" with the patented "SNEAKY PETE WITNESS SWITCH", it works perfectly each and every time you FLIP THAT SWITCH but you don't notice a thing. You won't even know when it's on or off! You're totally oblivious! Just live your life and forget about it! (Sleep deprivation 101) OK, I give, please clarify, what's the point? self: The point is your head dumb ass! When the "KAMPA LAMPA LLC SNEAKY PETE WITNESS SWITCH" is activated a special illumination will occur all over the world but that is only part of the magic, the best part is as a SNEAKY PETE EARLY BIRD SPECIAL MANDATORY CONTRIBUTOR, [SPE BS MC], the exclusive obligation to pay for all electric bills, repair service, upgrade installations, and eventual total system replacement falls to you! All this and much, much more will automatically be charged each and every month (twice with months containing any one of the letters J,F,M,A,S,O,N and D) to your credit cards WE already have on file. During ILLUMINATION VALUE DAYS you could also be randomly selected to pay up to three times the average monthly bill just for being the customer we know you to be. So sit down and relax because I've got one more exciting piece of information: believe it or not YOUR "KAMPA LAMPA LLC WITH SNEAKY PETE WITNESS SWITCH" has already been installed, connected and tested, with all services already billed to your cards. So have a great day - or night ---- because it really doesn't matter with the "SNEAKY PETE LLC"!
(Sleep deprivation 101) Goodnight, I'm out OK self: we mean we are out
(Sleep deprivation 101) Not this time Blue Lew -night. ______________________________ Starting to think I've had a brain hemorrhage or something that may have augmented a normal predisposition for rhyme. I'll be doing something then think of a particular situation or example (often what I believe to be humorous) but when I start to record with a writing instrument or keyboard I immediately recognize an unintended rhyme developing. Once I detect that minimal initial development I stop to finish whatever the original thought was in a lyric/poem format. Should I be worried? Or am I just hurried? Is it abnormal? Or just not formal?
ahhh, krapa, (softly muttering to self)
Well I have been a bit tired lately…… CSDs ANONYMOUS?
MY NAME IS LAKE DON PEDRO
I AM A CSD
I FABRICATE LEGAL DOCUMENTS
THEN USE THEM JUST FOR ME.
ONLY A MATTER OF HOURS
SINCE I LAST HAD TO FABRICATE
YOU’D THINK I’D LEARN MY LESSON
BUT DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH AND WAIT.
Like some kind of collector of “evil twin documents” Lake Don Pedro CSD is a poster child for such acquisition.
Look at the California Public Utilities Commission approval document for the transfer of facilities and assets by the private company Sierra Highlands Water Company to the newly formed LDPCSD public agency back in 1980.
All of a sudden PRESTO! A FABRICATED COPY magically appears in official LDPCSD records with a different water service area description and references an attached exhibit that is never found!
What a coincidence!
A written document describing just what they had done, were doing and intended to do!
“And what were they doing boys and girls?”
(children’s voices rhythmically singing/chanting)
Providing an expensive benefit
Groundwater substitution plan
For non-entitled developers and
A Merced River Water scam.
While simultaneously forcing
Those who were approved
To subsidize outside place of use
Or just suck it up and move.
Imagine how many MERCED RIVER WATER entitled customers through the decades who protested this expansion were simply provided false information based on that “EVIL TWIN DOCUMENT” to effectively halt further complaint or questioning?
(Surely you can imagine some of those situations?)
“Sorry Mr. Stupidicus, the State Of California says right here in black and white WE HAVE THE AUTHORITY to do exactly what we are doing.
Yes WE can make copies if you wish at $12.75 a page but there are quite a lot of pages in OUR OFFICIAL RECORDS, DIVISION, however, since you DID NOT TAKE YOUR UGLY PILL TODAY and if you wish, WE could make a copy of just the page that concerns your particular property question.
Fine, when payment is received WE will send you the copied information, now, will you and Mrs. Moronicus please sit down and stop interrupting so WE can continue OUR meeting? Thank you,)
Then the original 1980 water service boundary map created by Mariposa County LAFCo (Local Agency Formation Commission) disappeared so the LAKE DON PEDRO CSD was kind enough to just create a new one complete with additional annexations pretend approved and not. Pretty generous huh?
Why would LAFCo years ago ask the LDPCSD to furnish them an up to date map when only LAFCo can approve boundary changes?
So many “FRANKENSTEIN SERVICE MAPS” created by a district that refused to obey some simple water restrictions regarding diversion and use of MERCED RIVER WATER. Weren’t happy with what they already had, wanted more water so brought in their old time ringer “PETE KAMPA”.
Even the complete destruction of our administration office by arson a few years ago during an investigation of this very boundary service issue seems to have been ignored by the traditional “WATCHDOGS” for public agencies.
Then Peter Kampa is returned to the district to obtain government grant money in order to create an alternative source of water with which to create a GROUNDWATER SUBSTITUTION PROGRAM for the benefit of land developers outside the legal place of use under the water license who are prohibited that MERCED RIVER WATER.
And for perpetuity the entitled users of MERCED RIVER WATER in the subdivision (for whom that water treatment facility was created and intended to serve) will subsidize a special benefit for land developers and speculators OUTSIDE the legal PLACE OF USE under water license 11395. Absolutely wild. Hear any of this before?
My best to you and yours, Lew
PS: Found out what the most significant problem was with the slow uploading on the last video……the operator! LOL Yes, internet speed has been reduced a bit, but not that much. Turns out the previous video clip was set to a wide screen aspect ratio (like when you push that button on the remote control and the television image cycles through different sizes and resolutions, ie, stretch, letter box, original, and crop.).
I looked this morning but really could not notice an appreciable difference between the two perhaps they need to be side to side for better comparison. Still not sure how I set the aspect ratio to wide screen but am now aware of where that option is located. Just one more of hundreds of lessons I must learn (the hard way) with this software. Some of the learning can be quite a bit of fun – however a lot is frustrating when making mistakes that greatly (and negatively) affect performance or the final result. Wish there was more time to experiment and become proficient with the program and its capabilities when it is (ah-hum – clearing throat) used properly. Like most of the tech-stuff I have – will only use it for specific limited purposes. What a pair huh? A new program and an obsolete user. lol
ahhh oh –
I saw a rat
Behind the dais Is where he sat ni-night